Monday, January 24, 2011

poems about sex, elephants and Lady Gaga

I wouldn't say I'm a numbers junkie but it after two years on this earth it strikes me that this blog, Rhyme and Reason, isn't catching fire any time soon.

Admittedly it doesn't aim to be humorous and irreverent in the same way as Brits in the USA.  It's aimed at lovers of poetry.

Still when the most hits any post has mustered is 10, you have to wonder where all those supposed fans of poetry are.

They are one of three possible places; elsewhere, elsewhere or elsewhere.

To use a metaphor from what's arguably the best film of the last three decades, Twins, this blog is Danny DeVito, to Brits' Arnie. (you know I'm not serious about the film right?).

So I followed the Yellow Brick Road and I spoke to a small man in a dirty raincoat behind a big screen about how to increase my numbers. I don't think he was Elton John.

"Publish some sex poems and mention Lady Gaga a couple of times," the dirty little man told me. "You can't go wrong with Lady Gaga."

I agonized for a nano second. "Willl I lose my heart and have to go on a quest for it?" I asked.

"Not if you also mention elephants," the small man said.

So just maybe this is how you can bring some magic to your blog; sex, elephants and Lady Gaga.

Without further ado here's a poem about elephants having sex by D.H. Lawrence. I have no idea where Lady Gaga fits into the equasion.

The Elephant is Slow to Mate by D. H. Lawrence

The elephant, the huge old beast,

is slow to mate;
he finds a female, they show no haste
they wait

for the sympathy in their vast shy hearts
slowly, slowly to rouse
as they loiter along the river-beds
and drink and browse

and dash in panic through the brake
of forest with the herd,
and sleep in massive silence, and wake
together, without a word.

So slowly the great hot elephant hearts
grow full of desire,
and the great beasts mate in secret at last,
hiding their fire.

Oldest they are and the wisest of beasts
so they know at last
how to wait for the loneliest of feasts
for the full repast.

They do not snatch, they do not tear;
their massive blood
moves as the moon-tides, near, more near
till they touch in flood.


  1. wow. a poem about mating elephants... you don't see that every day.
    your wizened old man was probably right. you'll get the hits, but you won't get comments because people googling sex & lady gaga won't hang out that long. like the time i wrote about camel toe & now i get gobs of hits for it, but they don't want to read my foolish crap about how i shouldn't say that word in front of kids cuz they'll just repeat it later.
    i'm babbling...

  2. Actually you raise a good point Sherilin - not sure I'm familiar with camel toe.

  3. I enjoyed the poem. The topic is not one you run across often in poetry. :-) As one who likes to write poetry, I lament the lack of interest in it too.

    I agree with Sherilin above that those who are googling Gaga won't stick around here very long if they arrive here. I think, rather, that they will be disappointed--fools that they are.

  4. Ahhh! Don't worry about camel toe! Or Lady Gaga! Mating elephants, on the other hand, well, that's interesting.

    Dare to Follow Your Heart

    here's my good deed for the day. you're welcome.

  6. in front of the boss, huh? i kinda hope your boss is a guy with a sense of humor.

  7. nope she isn't a guy with a sense of humor, lol

  8. sorry bout that. maybe a warning was in order.
    here's a link to the post i was referring to. and this one probably won't offend your boss. well, ... yeah, probably it won't.